When you are walking around in crowded places, do not feel obliged to stick to logical routes. It is not necessary to keep to the left. You are free to walk anywhere you like. You are also encouraged to take sharp turns at speed across the flow of people. It is in their interest to make room for you. Do not, under any circumstances feel as if you are in the wrong. This activity is enhanced if you have a push-chair or pram.

Also, you do not need to be concerned with stopping suddenly either. If you have forgotten something (usually a birthday card or something in Boots) then stop immediately in your tracks. Take two to three seconds to re-plan your route before continuing. Please do not be concerned with anyone behind you. They are more than capable of avoiding you. Any “tuts” or comments should be ignored.

The best time of the week to go food shopping is on a Saturday morning. It is the most popular time with the most people. Therefore, you are safe in the knowledge that the store is running at 100% efficiency and the food will be as fresh as possible.

When pushing your trolley around the store, do not feel any obligation to keep control of it or to leave enough room for people to walk around it. The aisles are very spacious. If someone is walking too close in front of you, it is a well known fact that it will be their fault should you smash into their heels.

To help you think more easily and concentrate more deeply you should make as many nonsensical noises as possible. If people in your presence frown or become annoyed, it is probably for some other unknown reason. This technique can be used whilst playing cards or a board game.

Part one can be found:
http://www.lunamonkey.co.uk/blog/index.php/2008/10/29/social-rules/

When walking into a room or a space, make sure you hang around in the door way. This will give you as much space as possible and make it more difficult for people to get into the room. You will be able to enjoy this space longer than other people and get maximum pleasure out of this situation.

After ordering food in a restaurant, talk to your friends as much as possible. This time is precious and it’s probably an important conversation. When the waiter comes around with some food, make sure you continue talking to your friends. If  the waiter starts to raise his voice and the food is starting to get cold; don’t worry. Sooner or later your food will arrive on your placemat.

When sitting at a table across from someone, don’t worry about checking where their legs are before you move your feet. The chances are very low that you will kick their ankles or shins. It is people’s own responsibility to make sure that their legs are out of your way.

When queuing in a supermarket, the fastest way to get served is to get as close as possible to the person in front of you. The sooner you get your food on the conveyer belt, the faster you will get served. If the person in front of you leaves too much space around them, they may need to be stared at to move forward. If there is no divider in place on the conveyor belt, then either tut or keep looking at the divider until it appears in the correct place. Don’t worry about speaking out loud when in this social situation. During the payment process, feel free to make as much small talk with the person serving you at the till. Do not attempt to pack your bags quickly. This will just panic you.

If you are rich or successful enough to ever take a journey on a plane, you should be aware that messages over the loud speaker are there for entertainment purposes only. The messages about keeping your seat upright and your seat belt on during take-off can be ignored. Please wait until a steward asks you once or twice in person before you follow any instructions. Likewise, after the plane has landed it is advisable to rush up and get your bags out of the overhead storage as fast as possible. Some people like to wait until the aircraft has come to a complete stop and the seat-belt lights have been turned off. However, this is a waste of time and is over-precautions.

When at all possible, take short cuts over small grassed areas. Sometimes when you are out walking, it may not appear that a path is available across a small patch of grass. Don’t let this be a problem. You will find over time that a dusty mud path will appear. It may annoy gardeners and local authorities that you are using a secret short cut, but do not take notice of any signs or plaques telling you to stick to the tarmac paths. These tarmac paths will sometimes add 2 or 3 metres to your desired journey.