The hypertext online internet web log of Chris

I’ve been wondering for a while whether or not to do a more diary-type blog entry on this blog.

At the moment I’ve kept it to short random thoughts that I believe are either deliberately stupid, just an insult, or a deliberate joke that I’ve constructed. By telling you this, it kind of ruins the point. I think some are quite clever, but are so unfunny that they just come across as stupid. Which is great. Because that means you haven’t understood that it’s a joke. Which is the point.

So I think maybe an diary-type update here or there would be good. Then I can shoe-horn in a subtle “joke” when I fancy. Any stories on here are true and the so-called (by me) jokes are usually because I’ve thought of them whilst out-and-about or in-and-around. I don’t “work” on thinking of things to write on here. Except this entry…

I’ve also been thinking of making a “Facebook status” compilation. I think I’ve wasted some good one-liners on there. One-liners that I haven’t stolen from a “Funny Status” website. Anyway, they are long gone now.

I have a perfectly average life. A few downs, a few ups. That way, I’m never devastated, but I’m not usually too impressed either. I’m normally happy at least. Would anyone even read it? I don’t mind.

So, maybe I will, maybe I won’t. At least that’s for certain.

I can not think of a more pointless gimmick for a religious holiday than a chocolate egg.

Except for Christmas presents, Mother’s Day cards, Valentine cards, and pancakes.

The 4-day weekend is more than enough for me.

I have a choice to make on my stance of Mothering Sunday. It’s a tricky one.

I have to choose between religion and the USA.

You see, most of the holidays and festivals in England have traditional religious roots. Religious roots that I do not believe in, or care about.

The thing is, those happy North Americans love celebrating anything pointless, and invented “Mother’s Day” about 100 years ago.  Hence all the cards we can now buy.

So, do I send my mum a card based on pointless religion, or pointless American festivals?

What’s the cut off point for “too many” Facebook applications? 5… 10…?

One of my “friends” has 88 applications.

The most pointless one I saw was “[name] has farted on you”.

How does that help anyone?

Why do we still ‘celebrate’ Halloween?

If anyone can give me 1 good reason, I’ll happily dress as Frankenstein’s monster for Christmas day.

I’d happily celebrate the end of harvest in Gaelic culture…. If I was Gaelic!

But dressing up as a witch or ghost has got to be the most distant topic to harvest I’ve ever heard of.

If you come back with “because it’s fun”, then that doesn’t count. Lots of things are fun, but we don’t throw spiders’ webs and fake rats in shop windows for it.

Or should I idle by mindlessly and throw on a cape?

Anyway, to celebrate this year, I choked on a Salmon bone. How apt? :-/

Why make a spoon especially for a food? And if you are going to make a special spoon, at least make it easy to use.

Soup spoons are like twice the width of a normal one. You look like you got a massive gob trying to eat soup.

And don’t get me started on fish knives. That has to be the least used invention ever.

Have you ever heard anyone say “I just can’t function without a cup of tea in the morning.”

What are they; a tea-robot?

Tea is just an excuse to fill the silence. It’s getting late, you’ve ran out of conversation…

“Anyone want a cup of tea?”

Easily adds 30 minutes to the evening.

If given the option, I think I’d rather have the cash than a bunch of flowers.

What’s so romantic about giving someone something that is going to decay for a week?

“Here darling, watch these rot.”