The blog of Chris

I heard a good tip the other day to spice up your love life.

It was “Go out together, but pretend that your lover is a stranger.” Interesting, I thought.

So we’re in the pub together, I asked her for the time, downed my pint and went out with my mates instead.

Over the past couple of years, on numerous topics, I’ve heard people use this line to try persuade beliefs.

Ghost people: “You’re not open-minded enough to see a ghost.”

Religious types: “You’re not open-minded enough to believe in God.”

An open mind to me is one that still retains fundamental truths, yet you can still acquire new information as long as it doesn’t contradict said truths.

If I must have a completely open mind to believe in something, then it can’t be true.

I did a little test for proof :-p

You Are 64% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you’re also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You’re open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

If ghosts can pass through any object, including walls, why is it that they never fall through the floors?

So, I was in the 99p store… as you do… and I overheard some excellent healthcare advice.

These two ladies were looking at copper ‘health’ bracelets.

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Lady one: What is this?

Lady two: Oh, the copper cures diseases.

I thought: You’ve slightly stretched the benefits there.

Lady one: But copper makes you go green doesn’t it?

I thought: Ah, some correct information. It _can_ do that.

Lady two: It’s ok, because they coat the bractlets in fake silver.

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Now I’m all for people sharing ‘knowledge’ like this, but surely someone has to check the validity at some point.

I’m just grateful that I’ll see less houses with shitty lights all over the place.

I mean, what the hell does an illuminated train have to do with Jesus?

The rule is; whoever has the handle on their side has to wait and hold the door for the other person.

There are a few exceptions to this:

• If the person is more than 3 metres away, let them open it themselves.
• If it’s a old person. You allow them through. I reckon the cut off point is 65. Any younger, and they follow the rules.
• Sexy people. You always let good looking people through. Male or female.
• Tall people. They have the right of way.
• Fat people. They shouldn’t be resting. Stay clear and let them keep their momentum up.

Christmas trees - Why were they ever brought inside? Leave trees outside. (Many countries do this with their trees)

Baubles - Why were these ever put on trees? What is it? Just nice yeah? Fine.

Tinsel - What is it meant to be? Shiny snakes?

Glitter - It’s just messy. It gets everywhere. Why do they put it on everything? Holograms would be better.

Candy Canes - I only see these at Christmas, and more so recently. Why is that?

Xmas Hats - Yes, I know… the 3 Kings. They also wore sandals. Shall I pop them on for dinner too?

So yeah, some guidelines please or at least someone explain tinsel to me.

Compared to some people, I’ve only got a handful of virtual friends on Facebook. However, it’s becoming increasing hard to take the onslaught of rubbish application requests from people that I never even see in real life.

If you were to suddenly slip off my ‘friends’ list, would you take offence? Would you even notice?

To be honest, I don’t care. I’m not one for pandering to hurt feelings over such trivialities.

I only ever wanted to use Facebook for keeping in touch with people that I already speak to. Maybe also keeping tabs on family.

However, I’m all for giving people the benefit of the doubt. After all, it’s not like I’ve gone out of my way to speak to you either.

Maybe you’re a lurker. Maybe you haven’t access to a PC 24/7. Maybe you just come here to look through other people’s photos.

So if you’re reading this and wondering if you’re going to get the chop, don’t worry. We all like to lurk and I’m not going to punish you for it.

So catch you later,
Chris.

Never ask anyone how old they are, it’s never going to end well.

Their response is usually: “Guess.”

How are you meant to guess? Do you go younger, do you go older? Do you look at their crows feet and say “32″?

Are they looking for a compliment, because normally it is going to be a lie.

What sort of pointless game is it anyway?  What am I going to do with that information; log it in a little book?…

“Dear Diary, Met Doreen today… she’s 24, but looks 32. Had supper. Must buy some washing up liquid.”

So, yeah. I’ll try not to ask anyone ever again.

Decorating the inside of your house is all good festive fun. We love it. Celebrate Christmas however you like.

If you think that putting an inflatable Homer Simpson Santa outside is appropriate; that’s great.

Also, alongside that, if you think that a flashing train, 1,000 lights, and some reindeers is suitable for a 3 bedroom terrace in Swindon; then that’s brilliant.

But please don’t leave them on all night you prick.