The hypertext online internet web log of Chris

Here are some more social rules to make life run smoothly for everyone.

When you are walking around in crowded places, do not feel obliged to stick to logical routes. It is not necessary to keep to the left. You are free to walk anywhere you like. You are also encouraged to take sharp turns at speed across the flow of people. It is in their interest to make room for you. Do not, under any circumstances feel as if you are in the wrong. This activity is enhanced if you have a push-chair or pram.

Also, you do not need to be concerned with stopping suddenly either. If you have forgotten something (usually a birthday card or something in Boots) then stop immediately in your tracks. Take two to three seconds to re-plan your route before continuing. Please do not be concerned with anyone behind you. They are more than capable of avoiding you. Any “tuts” or comments should be ignored.

The best time of the week to go food shopping is on a Saturday morning. It is the most popular time with the most people. Therefore, you are safe in the knowledge that the store is running at 100% efficiency and the food will be as fresh as possible.

When pushing your trolley around the store, do not feel any obligation to keep control of it or to leave enough room for people to walk around it. The aisles are very spacious. If someone is walking too close in front of you, it is a well known fact that it will be their fault should you smash into their heels.

To help you think more easily and concentrate more deeply you should make as many nonsensical noises as possible. If people in your presence frown or become annoyed, it is probably for some other unknown reason. This technique can be used whilst playing cards or a board game.

Part one can be found:
http://www.lunamonkey.co.uk/blog/index.php/2008/10/29/social-rules/

I heard a good tip the other day to spice up your love life.

It was “Go out together, but pretend that your lover is a stranger.” Interesting, I thought.

So we’re in the pub together, I asked her for the time, downed my pint and went out with my mates instead.

A list of random memories from the Isle of Wight.

Still packing my bag at midnight
Lasagne the night before
Red Jet ferry
Slowest bus journey over 4 miles ever
Pitching the tent slower than the girls
Listening to some lads sing “If you’ve got a foreskin; clap your hands”
Carnage in Morrison’s.
Buying premium lager, instead of “Better buys”
Clean toilets
FALAFEL!
Dancing like nutters in the Barcardi tent
Chick pea curry
Playing “Wally”
Enjoying Mel-C
Alcohol rub
Aching back
Aching feet
Baby wipes
Watching a bloke peeing in a cup
Girl with one lense missing in her glasses
Cup of piss kicked over on to a friends foot, causing some drama
Massive long snake of Carling cups
The “Extreme ride”
The biggest poo ever waiting for me in a toliet
Wobbly loos
Sunburned feet

I’ll add more later

more..

Shoot 5
Girl up the path, looked like Beth Ditto
Naked man on guitar
Poo on a box on pathway
BBQ for lunch, but no cooking equipment
Jill stealing the milk
Jonah’s black feet
Jonah stealing the chili sauce
Lads camping round the corner. Just there to steal mobiles (probably)
Trampled tents
£35 for a crate of Carling…. nice work spending £105 mate
Red wine before bed to help us sleep
Coco pops
Zimmer frame
The Poo train had “Poo 2 Get” as number plate
Shower queues

[All mixed tense, doesn't read well, but this all happened Friday night]

I’m an idiot, I drove the wrong way

So I’m off to a gig tonight and I got 40 minutes to get to Bristol from Swindon. Perfect. I’ve got directions over the phone. Brilliant, I can’t go wrong. Get on at J16 off at J19 of the M4. Easy, right?

So I get down to the motorway, and the motorway is nice and empty. Making great time and thinking that I will be able to mingle before the gig starts.

Then I realise I just gone past Juntion 15! I’ve gone the wrong direction when I got on the motorway. What an idiot face.

Gig

So, I get to the gig, which is at Filton College. After going in the stage doors, I’m directed to the real entrance and stand up on the balcony. Good little gig.

It was a big mix of covers and a few original instrumental pieces. College kids are well young. Was I ever that fresh faced and fashion consious? In college, I think it was all shirts and well polished loafers. No-one looked like a tribute to Dexy or the Ramones when I was 17.

A friend was playing there, so if he reads this, good job!

Bad Movie

After the gig we had a few drinks at another friend’s house and watched whatever was on the tele.

It was film called Sleepstalker. It was well bad. Had every possible horror movie cliche ever, but still we stayed up until 2 o’clock watching it, and then didn’t bother seeing the end. What a waste of time.

Anyway, got to see M & A’s new house, really nice old terrace in Bristol. Nice work, and good luck with the plaster

And, yeah, I like Will Young, so what.