The blog of Chris

Have a good one mate!

Also, just because it’s free, don’t over do it on the wine.

Doctors’ waiting rooms must be the most depressing place ever.

At least there’s a point to a funeral. Waiting is just pointless.

The walls are so boring…

Are you living with cancer?

Do you care for an elderly person?

Cheesy face?

Put up a poster of something nice; a kitten or badger at least.

A couple of times a week, I wait outside a hospital to give a friend a lift home from work.

It’s quite sad and depressing to see people coming out looking weak and weary.

Some of them are so shaky, they can barely light their cigarettes.

A list of random memories from the Isle of Wight.

Still packing my bag at midnight
Lasagne the night before
Red Jet ferry
Slowest bus journey over 4 miles ever
Pitching the tent slower than the girls
Listening to some lads sing “If you’ve got a foreskin; clap your hands”
Carnage in Morrison’s.
Buying premium lager, instead of “Better buys”
Clean toilets
FALAFEL!
Dancing like nutters in the Barcardi tent
Chick pea curry
Playing “Wally” (or shithead) ….
Enjoying Mel-C
Alcohol rub
Aching back
Aching feet
Baby wipes
Watching a bloke pissing in a cup
Girl with one lense missing in her glasses
Cup of piss kicked over on to a friends foot, causing some drama
Massive long snake of Carling cups
The “Extreme ride”
The fattest shit ever waiting for me in a toliet
Wobbly loos
Sunburned feet

I’ll add more later

more..

Shoot 5
Fat girls up the path, looked like Beth Ditto
Naked man on guitar
Shit on a box on pathway
BBQ for lunch, but no cooking equipment
Jill stealing the milk
Jonah’s black feet
Jonah stealing the chili sauce
Pikeys camping round the corner. Just there to steal mobiles (probably)
Trampled tents
£35 for a crate of Carling…. nice work spending £105 mate
Red wine before bed to help us sleep
Coco pops
Zimmer frame
The Poo train had “Poo 2 Get” as number plate
Shower queues

Yeah!!!

We’ll be there Thursday, can’t wait.

I gotta pack yet tho, and I don’t even have a back-pack.

It’s a “pack” that you put on your back.

Why isn’t it a back-sack, like a ruck-sack is?

Ruck-sack sounds like another word for testicles.

It’s a sack that goes in your ruck. Dodgy no?

[All mixed tense, doesn't read well, but this all happened Friday night]

I’m a dick, I drove the wrong way

So I’m off to a gig tonight and I got 40 minutes to get to Bristol from Swindon. Perfect. I’ve got directions over the phone. Brilliant, I can’t go wrong. Get on at J16 off at J19 of the M4. Easy, right?

So I get down to the motorway, and the motorway is nice and empty. Making great time and thinking that I will be able to mingle before the gig starts.

Then I realise I just gone past Juntion 15! I’ve gone the wrong direction when I got on the motorway. What a dick.

Gig

So, I get to the gig, which is at Filton College. After going in the stage doors, I’m directed to the real entrance and stand up on the balcony. Good little gig.

It was a big mix of covers and a few original instrumental pieces. College kids are well young. Was I ever that fresh faced and fashion consious? In college, I think it was all shirts and well polished loafers. No-one looked like a tribute to Dexy or the Ramones when I was 17.

A friend was playing there, so if he reads this, good job!

Shit Movie

After the gig we had a few drinks at another friend’s house and watched whatever was on the tele.

It was film called Sleepstalker. It was well shit. Had every possible horror movie cliche ever, but still we stayed up until 2 o’clock watching it, and then didn’t bother seeing the end. What a waste of time.

Anyway, got to see M & A’s new house, really nice old terrace in Bristol. Nice work, and good luck with the plaster

And, yeah, I like Will Young, so what.

Saw another dead badger today. Maybe they are following me and getting injured in the process.

It had been covered up with a small piece of cardboard though. So if someone came along, they could still see poor old dead badge-meister staring back at them.

There was a girl at the side of the badger in her car on her mobile. I assume she was phoning the dead badger hot line or something.

On the topic of mobiles in cars….. the whole point is to stop accidents, yet you get people pulling over on normal roads to use their phone.

You’re still in the way!

I was in Cyprus on holiday and had a lot of thinking time. I was wondering if I should make a podcast in the guise of Stephen Hawking.

I thought, it would be well funny. Listening to Stephen Hawking talking about his adventures snowboarding, or roller skating. The Hawkster chatting about his days out ice skating or down the pub.

Turns out… someone beat me to it. Just google it. It’s out there somewhere.

Well annoyed. Why have things already been invented that I invent?

I once though about inventing a cat flap that only opens to certain cats…. already done with infrared collars.

I once invented an inflatable tent too, but that’s already been done.

Anyway, nevermind.

I’ve cheated this blog so that the times are right, but I’m posting this from the future relative to the date on this blog.

That is, I’m posting it _to_ the past…..

Anyway, just spent 2 weeks in Cyprus and had a really nice time.

I saw a dead cat. Well, my girlfriend saw it…. didn’t report it. Loads of people saw it… didn’t report it. She told me….. I didn’t report it… why get involved eh?

Just stared at it from a safe height on the balcony. Saw a mother notice it and look completely disgusted as her daughter approach it….. I don’t think they bothered reporting it either.

10 minutes later, the Mogster had vanished. Maybe they do have nine lives…..

There was this well noisy family ruining everyone’s stay. Like the Gallaghers or something.

It’s easy to blame the parents, and that’s what I’ll do. Absolutely no parental skills at all.

I reckon there are families on “When mothers go ape shit” that are better parents.

Anyway, really nice holiday except for the fact I hated spending anytime within ear-shot of them.

Also…. Agia Napa looked well shit. Only went for a few hours, and all I saw was fish and chip shops and All-day-breakfasts.

Maybe I’m getting snobby, but so what?

At least I don’t laugh at my child when they fall over in a hotel corridor.