The hypertext online internet web log of Chris

Never ask anyone how old they are, it’s never going to end well.

Their response is usually: “Guess.”

How are you meant to guess? Do you go younger, do you go older? Do you look at their crows feet and say “32″?

Are they looking for a compliment, because normally it is going to be a lie.

What sort of pointless game is it anyway?  What am I going to do with that information; log it in a little book?…

“Dear Diary, Met Doreen today… she’s 24, but looks 32. Had supper. Must buy some washing up liquid.”

So, yeah. I’ll try not to ask anyone ever again.

Decorating the inside of your house is all good festive fun. We love it. Celebrate Christmas however you like.

If you think that putting an inflatable Homer Simpson Santa outside is appropriate; that’s great.

Also, alongside that, if you think that a flashing train, 1,000 lights, and some reindeers is suitable for a 3 bedroom terrace in Swindon; then that’s brilliant.

But please don’t leave them on all night you prick.

I can’t stand it when this expression is used.

There are certain circumstances where it is possible to give 110%; like in a very bad maths test.

Can you even imagine giving 100% effort? _All_ of your effort has gone! That means your vital organs and nervous system shuts down.

I reckon even if I was really trying and I was really busy, on a good day I reckon I would give 60%. I can still function as a human and I can go home and not have to pass out.

“I want to see 65%!” ….. Now that would get me motivated. At least it’s achievable.

This program makes it too easy! The people are wrinkly and overweight and haven’t looked after themselves. They look ten years older than they should anyway.

Then they get given free lypo, dental vaneers and botox which resets them back to normal.

Surely that’s cheating….?

They should change the title to “Lazy wrinkly make-over show.”

What’s the cut off point for “too many” Facebook applications? 5… 10…?

One of my “friends” has 88 applications.

The most pointless one I saw was “[name] has farted on you”.

How does that help anyone?

Do they make “plain” ice cream? Or has vanilla just become the bottom of the flavour scale?

I hardly ever buy ice cream, but I would _never_ buy vanilla ice cream because it’s just become an icy milky slush.

I really, really like real vanilla though… so…

I urge ice cream makers to put more effort into vanilla ice cream, so it becomes the flavour it never was.