The blog of Chris

I’m just grateful that I’ll see less houses with lights all over the place.

I mean, what does an illuminated train have to do with Jesus?

Have a good one mate!

Also, just because it’s free, don’t over do it on the wine.

The rule is; whoever has the handle on their side has to wait and hold the door for the other person.

There are a few exceptions to this:

• If the person is more than 3 metres away, let them open it themselves.
• If it’s a old person. You allow them through. I reckon the cut off point is 65. Any younger, and they follow the rules.
• Sexy people. You always let good looking people through. Male or female.
• Tall people. They have the right of way.
• Big people. They shouldn’t be resting. Stay clear and let them keep their momentum up.

Christmas trees – Why were they ever brought inside? Leave trees outside. (Many countries do this with their trees)

Baubles – Why were these ever put on trees? What is it? Just nice yeah? Fine.

Tinsel - What is it meant to be? Shiny snakes?

Glitter – It’s just messy. It gets everywhere. Why do they put it on everything? Holograms would be better.

Candy Canes – I only see these at Christmas, and more so recently. Why is that?

Xmas Hats – Yes, I know… the 3 Kings. They also wore sandals. Shall I pop them on for dinner too?

So yeah, some guidelines please or at least someone explain tinsel to me.

Compared to some people, I’ve only got a handful of virtual friends on Facebook. However, it’s becoming increasing hard to take the onslaught of rubbish application requests from people that I never even see in real life.

If you were to suddenly slip off my ‘friends’ list, would you take offence? Would you even notice?

To be honest, I don’t care. I’m not one for pandering to hurt feelings over such trivialities.

I only ever wanted to use Facebook for keeping in touch with people that I already speak to. Maybe also keeping tabs on family.

However, I’m all for giving people the benefit of the doubt. After all, it’s not like I’ve gone out of my way to speak to you either.

Maybe you’re a lurker. Maybe you haven’t access to a PC 24/7. Maybe you just come here to look through other people’s photos.

So if you’re reading this and wondering if you’re going to get the chop, don’t worry. We all like to lurk and I’m not going to punish you for it.

So catch you later,
Chris.

Never ask anyone how old they are, it’s never going to end well.

Their response is usually: “Guess.”

How are you meant to guess? Do you go younger, do you go older? Do you look at their crows feet and say “32″?

Are they looking for a compliment, because normally it is going to be a lie.

What sort of pointless game is it anyway?  What am I going to do with that information; log it in a little book?…

“Dear Diary, Met Doreen today… she’s 24, but looks 32. Had supper. Must buy some washing up liquid.”

So, yeah. I’ll try not to ask anyone ever again.

Decorating the inside of your house is all good festive fun. We love it. Celebrate Christmas however you like.

If you think that putting an inflatable Homer Simpson Santa outside is appropriate; that’s great.

Also, alongside that, if you think that a flashing train, 1,000 lights, and some reindeers is suitable for a 3 bedroom terrace in Swindon; then that’s brilliant.

But please don’t leave them on all night you prick.

I can’t stand it when this expression is used.

There are certain circumstances where it is possible to give 110%; like in a very bad maths test.

Can you even imagine giving 100% effort? _All_ of your effort has gone! That means your vital organs and nervous system shuts down.

I reckon even if I was really trying and I was really busy, on a good day I reckon I would give 60%. I can still function as a human and I can go home and not have to pass out.

“I want to see 65%!” ….. Now that would get me motivated. At least it’s achievable.

This program makes it too easy! The people are wrinkly and overweight and haven’t looked after themselves. They look ten years older than they should anyway.

Then they get given free lypo, dental vaneers and botox which resets them back to normal.

Surely that’s cheating….?

They should change the title to “Lazy wrinkly make-over show.”

What’s the cut off point for “too many” Facebook applications? 5… 10…?

One of my “friends” has 88 applications.

The most pointless one I saw was “[name] has farted on you”.

How does that help anyone?